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Personal Suicide

Written in 1991.
Since then I’ve had two healthy daughters.
I care very much for our future.

This is my personal suicide
No one has the faintest idea,
I stuff my face ’til my body is silly
and expect to live to seventy.
No, I don’t have any optimism,
Doctor dear told me not
Cos I’ll be in trouble by the time I’m forty.
God, I don’t want to go blind,
Or be wired to a machine.
Yet the stupidity of living my life in limbo
Drives me deep into the forbidden.
Every day a little something,
Pooh bear in honey pulls me
Nearer to my grave.
And I know how to feel guilty
For the disapointment in my mothers eyes
And the terror in my brain,
And the emptiness in my heart.
There is no long term future here,
I’ve abused this system too much,
I can only pay the consequences soon
And care nothing for forever.